#1028: What Do I Do When My Parents Refuse Me Marriage To My Proposed?
“Ya Admin, what’s the Islamic ruling in a Nikkah situation whereby a sister propose a Muslim brother to her parents(obviously follows the deen and sunnah) but her parents does not approve the marriage based on a reason that’s not genuine….. The sister has done everything to plead by calling the imams and elders in the family to plead with them but they still insisted on them not getting MARRIED. My question is, can this sister get married to this man without her parents approval?”
ANSWER:
Know O beloved one, that it is not permissible for any woman to give herself out in marriage without the concent and participation of her Awliyaa.
In the Hadith the Rasul salallahu alayhi wasallam said:
لا نكاح إلا بولي
“There is no Nikaah except with the consent of a Wali”
As was narrated by Abu Musa Al-Ash’ari and recorded by Abu Daawud, At-Tirmidhi and An-Nasa’i rahimahumullaah.
Likewise Aa’ishah radiyallahu anha narrated that the Rasul salallahu alayhi wasallam said, as was recorded by At-Tirmidhi that the Rasul salallahu alayhi wasallam said:
أيما امرأة نكحت بغير إذن وليها فنكاحها باطل فنكاحها باطل ، فنكاحها باطل ، فإن دخل بها فلها المهر بما استحل من فرجها ، فإن اشتجروا فالسلطان ولي من لا ولي له
“Any woman that gets married without the consent of her Wali, her Nikaah is void, her Nikaah is void, her Nikaah is void. And if he enters upon her, she has the right to the Mahr by virtue of that which he made permissible for himself of her private organs. And if they differed then the Sultan is the Wali of the (woman) who has no Wali”
These Ahaadith go to emphasize the importance of the Wali in marriage and why a woman’s marriage is prefixed on that.
It is not permissible for any woman who believes in Allah and the Last Day to throw away the advise of her parents in the name of love and then go ahead to marry without their consent.
The only situation where this is permissible is when the parents have very flimsy reasons that possibly are at logger heads with Islam in their considerations.
Your parents bore you and trained you from when you were small. Do not rush to cast them away for the love of a man about whose loyalty and tenacity you are not sure. Why will you do that? Don’t you know the wisdom behind the condition of the Shariah that the Wali’s consent is a condition?
In your question you have said the reasons are not genuine but you have not mentioned them thus we are not able to measure the reality of your judgment that they are not genuine.
Where is your patience?
Our advise is that you apply wisdom and prudence and exercise patience. It may be that when you apply patience and keep cajoling them, you will get what you aim at in this marriage, and Allah knows best.
Though the Shariah has allowed for marriages contracted by other than parents, that is in sceneria where the parent’s stubbornness and obstinacy are inimical and detrimental to the Maslahah of the girl’s Din or Dunya. In that case it is her right to seek superior intervention by approaching the Muslim courts, but a right it is, not a binding duty.
You have to weigh things here and be careful. You want to get what you want but you also want to keep the relationship with your parents who have carried all your responsibilities since you were born.
Barakallahu Fikum
Jazakumullahu Khairan.
Abū Asim
12th Shawwāl, 1441AH
📚 IslāmNode
