#247: Advice on Secret Marriages

QUESTION

“As-Salaam Alaykum. Please I needs some clarification about this, I heard that there are four factors, before a marriage can be considered been legal, love, bride father approval of the marriage, 4 witness from both families, and sadaki (the dowry). I started my courtship with my guy few months ago, and since in Islam courtship for long period of time is not good. Once Istikhaara has been done, So, we decided to proceed wit the marriage rites. Am a graduate currently searching for work, whereas he is managing at a place *also a graduate* in which the payment is not welcoming, but yet still, we decides to go ahead with our plan….According to the factors that makes a marriage legal, there is love between us, he has seen my parents, and have seen his, my dad has accepted him, and we already have more than 4 witness that knows about our relationship, the *sadaaki* is now the issue here. The clarification is that, he told me, that he can single handle give the sadaaki (dowry) to me. Without anyone knowing about it, I meant without any witness present at that moment, then once I accepts it, we can freely have intimacy, and am so much confused about that… But he said, he can give me before then, and that can only be between I and him, and from that henceforth, intimacy is halal… Because what I know is that, he can only give me dat on the day we fixed for the wedding,”_

🗞 ANSWER

Alhamdulillāh, may Allāh grant you the understanding of the Dīn and make you of the best of women, āmīn.

Firstly, it is imperative that you change your understanding of the conditions for a Halāl marriage. What you asserted is not true. The majority of the Ulamā hold that for a marriage to be legal in Islām, it must fulfil the following conditions:

1. The Sadāq. The Hanbalis and the Dhahirīs hold that the Sadāq does not have to be tangible and material. It can be knowledge and mentorship. The majority of the Fuqaha from the other schools disagree.

2. The permission of the Walī of the bride-to-be.
This is because there is a clear Hadīth in this regard. Of emphasis, this is the most agreed upon of the conditions. The Hanbalis differed slightly. They maintain that once a girl has come of age she may give herself out if she has been proven to be sound of intellect. This position is very wrong, baseless and ill in light of the evidences of the Hadīth.

The Rasūl had said – salallāhu alayhi wasallam :

لا نكاح إلا بولي

_”No Nikāh is valid except that with the concurrence of the Wali”_

3. The presence of witnesses.
The Fuqahā differed on the number (2 or 4). The majority maintained 4 witnesses.

4. The Phrasing of the Offer by the Walī of the bride and the Acceptance in wording or writing by the Groom or whosoever stands in his representation.

It is not stated that the love you mentioned is a condition. This is because love can be a result of marriage as the Ulamā have stated. However what some of the Fuqahā emphasized is *willingness and free-will of both bride and groom* meaning that the one tasked with the marriage must ensure firstly that both bride and groom are not forced into the marriage.

Haven stated this, it doesnt matter the love that exists and lies between you and the boy, it isn’t permissible for you both to have or experience any intimacy except that your marriage has fulfilled these four conditions without any reservations. The statement of the brother calling you to such an intimacy is only a whisper from the Shaytān and a disguise of Zīna, we seek Allāh’s refuge from that.

Sister, there is nothing g to be confused about. The Ulamā mentioned that the essence of the four witnesees in the marriage is to preserve the honour of the duo and to ensure that the society treats them as couples. For that reason, some of the Ulamā declared secret marriages – even if they meet the four conditions above – Harām. That is because the harm of not having four witnesses is maintained in secret marriages. The exemption tolerated here is in warfare…

O sister, do not be confused and do not allow the said brother to drag you into desecrating your honour and defiling you Dīn. Be patient and work toward the Nikāh that grants tranquility to the heart. Advise him but if he fails to take heed, part ways with him that you may be of the Righteous.

Bārakallāhu fīkum.
Jazākumullāhu Khayran.

Please note that the _Presence of Witnesses_ mentioned here is during the _’Aqdu An-Nikāh_ and not mere witnessing of the fact that they love and want ri marry each other.

We ask Allāh for guidance and steadfastness, āmīn