#279: Ruling on Istikhāra, Soothsayer and Marriage Proposal
Question
As-Salaamu Alaykum afwan I have an urgent question that I want you to please answer. Am sending the message as it was sent to me by the sister. Want to discuss something with you when you are free. I want to sought for your advice. If you still remember, I told you an ex course mate asked me out after school but I declined and I told him I was in a relationship. He started disturbing me again after service that he wants to marry me
So we fixed a date last week to talk. This where the problem comes in. I told my mum about him and she was like I can’t marry a first child and the boy is one. She was like when she was newly married, she and my dad went to an Alfa’s place to pray but the Alfa now told them if they give birth to a female child, she should not marry a first child. And you know the prophet warned against all these kind of things and omens. This morning, I was going through some of dad’s stuffs. I saw where the notice was written that ‘if the female child is ready for marriage, that she should not marry a tall person, someone too dark and the first child of his mother’ can u imagine. So I want to ask if there are specific prayers I can supplicate to avert any problem in the future. Also, for the guy asking me out. Can I perform Istikhaarah? Cos I am even confused. And if I do, how will I know if he is right for me? And for how many days will I perform the Istikhaarah? Afwan for disturbing. Jazakumullahu khayran
ANSWER
Wa alaikum salaam Wa Rahmatullah Wa barakatuh,
It is good to know that the you know the ruling of such in Islam.
May Allah guide your mother to understand the rights of Allah and may Allah protect her from engaging in such actions.
As regarding your request for a specific prayer, we say;
It is from the perfection of your belief in Allah that you know with firm certainty that such beliefs can not harm you in anyway. Nor can they have any effect on your future. They can only affect you if you have gotten your self attached to them in your heart such that you think twice before taking an action which is allowed in the shariah. Or when you consider them in your permitted actions.
This is because of a hadith narrated by Abu Dawood
Anyone that hangs anything, (his affairs) will be left to that (which he hangs).
Although this hadith is weak because one of the chain of narrators called Muhammad bin Abdurahman bn Abi Layla is weak.
However, the meaning is authentic because of similar narrations that are authentic and the same statement was also attributed to imam Shafi’i.
thus, if you allow these beliefs to linger in your heart, the shaytain will always come through them to cast doubt in your heart regarding any actions you might take in future.
You have to believe firmly that what has been decreed for you will surely overcome you. While what is not decreed for you can never meet you.
A simple way that can help you protect yourself from such doors with which shaitan places doubts in the heart is by learning more of Tawheed and implementing it’s teachings in your life. And by being constant in glorifying Allah and sending praises to Him in the mornings and evenings. And by seeking forgiveness perpetually.
regarding istikharah, you should know that every Muslim is always advised to perform it before taking any decision. It is not restricted to cases of marriage alone. And no number of days are specified in the Sunnah.
You can do it once or you can do it repeatedly as you may wish. But what is more clear from the teachings of the rasul alaihi salam is to do it once.
The scholars that goes with the view of the permissibility of doing it more than once, say so because salatul istikharah is a dua, and no limit is placed on making dua until what is needed is achieved.
Based on the above, we say, the shariah is flexible on the number of times it should be done and Allah knows best.
We also advice you to always refer the one seeking your hand in marriage to a relative of yours with the understand the Sunnah that can take the place of your father if he is no more alive.
Regarding how you will know the result of the salatul istikharah, we say,
Just as you have done the dua in the salatul istikharah,
Asking Allah to make it easy for you if it’s the best for you in this dunya and the hereafter.
So if in every step you make towards the matter and you meet hardship or difficulty that you have never envisaged, then know that it is not the best for you. And be careful not to press further for pressing further after you have seen the guidance from Allah means you were not sincere in seeking the guidance of Allah. And that is why the istikharah is more preferred to be done before you get your heart attached to what you are seeking guidance about.
As regarding your case, it is already know that your mother will bring up issues to prevent such from happening if this boy’s case is presented because of the wrong belief she already has regarding the issue. Since difficulty is already envisaged from her side, this will not be regarded as a sign of guidance from the istikharah.
Finally, we advice you to be kind towards your mother and never to be harsh towards her as she only seek for what will be good for you. And it is obligatory upon you to make sincere dua to Allah in your sujud for her her to understand her errors. And then you gradually teach her how such beliefs are contrary to Tawheed. You have to choose the right words and the right time. And be patient till Allah guides her.
Allah knows best
Jazaakumullahu khairan!
Baarakallahu feekum!
Answered by Abu Hafs
7th Ramadan 1438A.H
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