#323: Advice to Muslim Sister regarding Birth out of Wedlock
QUESTION
“O! MY SERVANTS WHO HAVE TRANSGRESSED AGAINST THEIR SOULS, DESPAIR NOT OF THE MERCY OF ALLAAH: FOR ALLAAH FORGIVES ALL SINS: HE IS OFT-FORGIVEN MOST MERCIFUL”
Assalamu Alaykum
A sister asked me to forward this question to Islam node
Salamun alaykum… I’m a sister who gave birth out of wedlock. I have sought the forgiveness of Allah and I really feel remorseful… I cry to Allah almost everyday yet my conscience wouldn’t leave me, I feel like Allah wouldn’t love me, I feel like Allah would still hold me for what I have done because I was already putting on the hijab before shaitan led me to such shameful act….it’s been two years now and I still haven’t moved on, do you think Allah has forgiven me? I also feel like I can no longer get a good man to marry because of what I did in the past…I feel like Allah wouldn’t bless me with a good man because of my past… I feel like I’m too dirty in the sight of Allah and cannot be purified.. Please advise me sir…how can I stop my conscience from disturbing me this much?
ANSWER
Wa alaikum salaam Wa Rahmatullah Wa barakatuh,
Our dear sister just pay attention to the statements of Allah to you. He Ta’aala addresses you directly:
Say: “O my Servants who have transgressed against their souls! Despair not of the Mercy of Allah: for Allah forgives all sins: for He is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful. Turn in repentance to your Rabb, and submit to Him before there comes to you the scourge: for then, there shall be none to help you. Az Zumar 53-54
Here Allah assures you that He forgives *ALL* sins. But with the condition that You sincerely regret your past and then you submit to Him in obedience as much as you can for the rest of your life till you meet with Him subhanahu Wa Ta’aala.
Anas b. MālikAl-Anṣāri (raḍyAllāhu ‘anhu) the servant of the Messenger of Allah narrated: Messenger of Allah (ṣallallāhu ‘alayhi wa sallam) said:
“Verily, Allah is more delighted with the repentance of His slave than a person who lost his camel in a desert land and then finds it (unexpectedly)”. [Al-Bukhari and Muslim].
In another version of Muslim, he said:
“Verily, Allah is more pleased with the repentance of His slave than a person who has his camel in a waterless desert carrying his provision of food and drink and it is lost. He, having lost all hopes (to get that back), lies down in shade and is disappointed about his camel; when all of a sudden he finds that camel standing before him. He takes hold of its reins and then out of boundless joy blurts out: ‘O Allah, You are my slave and I am Your Rabb’. He commits this mistake out of extreme joy.”
He Ta’aala also said:
seek forgiveness of your Rabb and turn to Him in repentance; for my Rabb is indeed Merciful, Affectionate.” Hud 90
That is He is merciful to the one the seek for His forgiveness and repents to Him. And He Ta’aala loves such a person excessively.
Allah said:
But Allah would not punish them while you were present in their midst. Nor does Allah punish people while they are asking His forgiveness. Anfaal 33
That is, Allah will not punish us as long as the Prophet is with us. Nor will He punish us if we hold on to istigfaar.
Since the rasul alaihi salam is no longer physically with us, the way we can keep him in our constant company is to learn and adhere to his Sunnah at all times.
In this verse Allah tells you the solution to your fear of His punishment. If you learn the Sunnah and try implementing it in your life and you keep to istigfaar always, Allah will never hold you for your past sins. Rather He will change it for you into good deeds. Listen to what your Beloved says to you:
who do not invoke any other god besides Allah, nor kill any soul which Allah has made sacred, except for a just cause, nor commit fornication – he that does this shall be punished for his sin, and his punishment shall be doubled on the Day of Resurrection and in disgrace he shall abide forever, except the one who repents, becomes a true believer, and starts doing good deeds, for then Allah will change his evil deeds into good, and Allah is Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. He that repents and does good deeds, has truly turned to Allah with good turning. Al Furqaan 68-71
And I warn you regarding losing hope in the mercy of Allah. For that is the greatest weapon shaitan can use to complete his trechous plan upon you.
Allah says:
Never give up hope of Allah’s mercy; in fact none despairs of Allah’s mercy except the unbelieving people.” Yusuf 87
The Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) said: “Allah the Most High said, ‘I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am. I am with him when he mentions Me. If he mentions Me to himself, I mention him to Myself; and if he mentions Me in an assembly, I mention him in an assembly greater than it. If he draws near to Me a hand’s length, I draw near to him an arm’s length. And if he comes to Me walking, I go to him at speed.’” Bukhari
Imam An-Nawawi (may Allah have Mercy upon him) also said: “al-Qadi ‘Iyad said that this means He will forgive him if he seeks such, will accept his repentance if he repents, will answer him if he supplicates, and will suffice him if he asks for something. It is also said that it refers to having hope and longing for relief, and this is more correct.” [Sharh Sahih Muslim]
So if your situation is as you have described, we want to assure you that Allah actually loves you and will not hold you for what you have done if you are sincere in your repentance towards Him.
We only warn you about losing hope in His mercy.
He Ta’aala said: yet My mercy encompasses everything. I will ordain special mercy for those who do righteous deeds, pay Zakah and believe in Our revelations.” Al A’araaf 156
know that this life is a test and an opportunity for us to become better people that deserve His jannah.
So a successful person is the one that learns from his mistakes and knows that Allah wants him to know about this defect in his character so that he will correct it and thus be worthy of gaining His mercy.
Else if you were not shown your weaknesses, you would not work upon them. And you will not be worthy of His mercy.
So strive to identify what caused you to slip and correct it. Was it the kind of friends you had, or was it because you didn’t care about or you were ignorant about the teachings of the shariah reading relationships with the opposite sex? Or was it because of watching haram movies and misguiding series, or was it because of your environment?
A pointer to your sincerity in your repentance is identifying the main cause and changing it completely.
Abu Said Al-Khudri (May Allah be pleased with him) reported: Prophet of Allah (sallallahu alayhi wassallam) said: “There was a man from among a nation before you who killed ninety-nine people and then made an inquiry about the most learned person on the earth. He was directed to a monk. He came to him and told him that he had killed ninety-nine people and asked him if there was any chance for his repentance to be accepted. He replied in the negative and the man killed him also completing one hundred.
He then asked about the most learned man in the earth. He was directed to a scholar. He told him that he had killed one hundred people and asked him if there was any chance for his repentance to be accepted. He replied in the affirmative and asked, Who stands between you and repentance? Go to such and such land; there (you will find) people devoted to prayer and worship of Allah, join them in worship, and do not come back to your land because it is an evil place.’
So he went away and hardly had he covered half the distance when death overtook him; and there was a dispute between the angels of mercy and the angels of torment. The angels of mercy pleaded, ‘This man has come with a repenting heart to Allah,’ and the angels of punishment argued, ‘He never did a virtuous deed in his life.’ Then there appeared another angel in the form of a human being and the contending angels agreed to make him arbiter between them. He said, `Measure the distance between the two lands. He will be considered belonging to the land to which he is nearer.’ They measured and found him closer to the land (land of piety) where he intended to go, and so the angels of mercy collected his soul”. [Al Bukhari and Muslim]
May Allah accept our repentance and guide us to what pleases Him most.
Jazaakumullaahu Khayran!
Baarakallaahu feekum!
25th Ramadaan 1438A.H.
📚 IslamNode
