#548: Ruling on cheating on One`s Wife or Husband

QUESTION

“As Salam Alaykum!…Ya Shaykh, what is the punishment of a cheating husband or wife in Islam?

Very urgent Ya Shaykh …Jazakumullah khayran”

ANSWER

Wa alaykum Salām Warahmatullāh Wabarakātuh

Alhamdulillāh.

In these days, people refer to husbands that have other women outside with whom they commit Zinā as cheats and to women that commit Zinā with another man outside her marriage as cheats.

First, we should all know that marriage in its entirety should be built upon the fear of Allāh and a journey of Faith.

Allāh – ta’ālā – said:

وَالْبَلَدُ الطَّيِّبُ يَخْرُجُ نَبَاتُهُ بِإِذْنِ رَبِّهِ وَالَّذِي خَبُثَ لاَ يَخْرُجُ إِلاَّ نَكِدًا

“The land that is pure, its fruits comes forth by the permission of its Lord, but that which is bad, springs up nothing but that which is niggardly”

Some of the Mufassirūn explained that this refers to a family.

If the Parents are sound and pure, the offsprings are sound and pure and otherwise, offsprings are corrupt and evil.

Likewise, Allāh said:

وَمِنْ آَيَاتِهِ أَنْ خَلَقَ لَكُمْ مِنْ أَنْفُسِكُمْ أَزْوَاجًا لِتَسْكُنُوا إِلَيْهَا وَجَعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ مَوَدَّةً وَرَحْمَةً إِنَّ فِي ذَلِكَ لَآَيَاتٍ لِقَوْمٍ يَتَفَكَّرُونَ
“And of His signs is that He created for you from among yourselves spouses that you may find Sakīnah in them. And He placed between you love and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a People that ponder.”

There are three things mentioned in this verse that are the fruits and purpose behind marriage.

First is Sakīnah (Tranquility). It is the tranquility of the heart, the body, the mind and the spirit.

The opposite of this tranquility is failure in spirit, uncertainty of mind, weakness in determination, self doubt, lack of mind rest and weakness of spirit.

Marriage brings about a tranquility that strenghtens the heart and illumines the spirit, and alleviates the body to draw closer to its Lord and grant it determination in Ibādah.

Second is Love. Love is very important in Marriage and without it, the marriage fails without a doubt. Likewise, marriage brings about love not only between the couple but with the entire society.

Third is Mercy. And this must be well understood.

That said, it is not permissible for any of the couples to do anything that jeopardizes any of the three things in Marriage.

Anything that will severe the love must be avoided.

Anything that weakens the tranquility earned by either of both must be avoided no matter how important that thing is to the other or both.

Anything that opposes Mercy must be avoided likewise.

It is not permissible for anyone that believes in Allāh and the Last Day to say words or do things that hurt his/her spouse for the mere pursuit of his/her desires.

This is general by implication.

As for ‘cheating’, then know that its meaning ‘Zinā’ is one of the gravest sins that exist.

And its punishment in the Sharī’ah shows the extent of its severity.

It is that its doers be stoned to death without mercy and pity due to their trampling the rights of others and their vilification of other people’s private parts.

It is abhorrent of a Muslim man or woman to be involved in this desperate show of shamelessness and moral bankruptcy.

We ask Allāh to save us from that, āmīn.

However if what the questioner means by ‘Cheating’ is that his wife is loving someone else outside, then he must help her by consistently making Nasīhah to her and probably seeking from others to make Nasīhah to her.

And then following that up by consistent prayers and blocking all means by which she is exposed to the one whom she loves out there.

It is our advice that he be not violent in this regard.

This is because it could drive her to worse things and situations.

We ask Allāh for safety and purity of heart, āmīn.

And if it is the husband that is guilty of loving someone else, then she must do same as above.

And not allow herself be carried away with emotions that may drive her toward that which will make the situation worse.

Do not forget, O People, that marriage must always be oiled with Nasīhah morning, afternoon and night.

The couple must always remind each other that they are on a journey to Allāh and only Allāh knows when the journey will be declared to have ended.

That said, every husband loving another woman aside his wife should ask himself two basic questions:

Am I intent on getting married to her and making her an added wife?

Am I prepared to bring her in legally as my wife and to take all of her responsibilities as my wife? Am I capable of that?

Every husband must remember that the fact that Islām allows for polygamy does not mean that the feelings of your wife is not relevant when making such a decision.

And the Ulamā have encouraged that he seeks to lighten the burden of such a decision to marry another wife by saying good words to her and making her know what exactly he is doing.

Though it is not a condition.

There is difference between love that is a mirage caused by lust, and love that is true and sincere.

Most times, the former is what exists between husbands and other women outside and then they begin to justify it with the permissibility of a man marrying more than one wife in Islām.

Whereas it is a whisper from Iblīs that seeks to draw him toward Zinā.

As for the latter, which is true and sincere love, it is free from the wrong whispers of Iblīs to Zinā and its likes.

Polygamy was legalized in the Dīn to solve problems emanating from the nature of men, the fewness of responsible and upright men, the manyness of women, the weakness of women, the vulnerabilities of women, the weaknesses and disfunctionalities in many homes and many other societal problems.

Once a Muslim man, true to his words, sincere in his heart, understands the dimensions for it, he would fear Allāh if and when he decides to make a decision that means a polygamous home.

We ask Allāh for guidance and soundness.

Lastly, it remains to be said that every wife out there must be laden with patience and the fear of Allāh.

Support your husbands and assist them to fear Allāh.

Do not do anything that seeks to push them toward infidelity and Zinā.

Do not be too jealous as to make your situations worse if you find yourself in a situation where your husband intends to marry another wife aside you.

And then remember that, that he should not marry another wife is not among your rights upon him.

No matter how upset and angry you are with him, you should never refuse him his rights and break further the bonds of marriage.

We ask Allāh to guide us and the entire Ummah at large, āmīn.

Bārakallāhu fīkum
Jazākumullāhu Khayran.

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