#568: Advice to the One whose Khātibah has once had an Abortion

QUESTION

” Assalaam Alaikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakaatuhu
Actually, ya Sheikh, I am in a sort of dilemma and I am really in need of a scholarly advice…
May Allah increase you in knowledge and wisdom…
It’s like this:
I proposed to a sister and she accepted likewise her family. Alhamdulillah
However she told me a couple of things about her past which caused me a lot of worry:
1. That she’s not a virgin
2. That she’s once had an abortion …About 8 years ago”

RESPONSE

Wa alaykum Salām Warahmatullāh Wabarakātuh.

Āmīn to your du’ā and may Allāh reward you for your consideration.

Our advice to you is as follows:

One, recall that this era we are is a time full of trials. And a time wherein people are settled for that which is less than what is best due to the prevalence of evil and the rarity of Istiqāmah… we ask Allāh for guidance and Thabāt.

Two, if the sister is that whom you trust and have no iota of doubt on, that she has repented and completely free of waywardness in her ways, then you are advised to continue with her and to by way of such doing, conceal for her her secrets, strengthen for her her Dīn and perfect the mercy of Islām upon her by this. That you should break ties and marriage intent with her might lead her to worse options and open her Dīn to the improtection that marriage was meant to avert. She may also lose hope in the mercies of her Lord and begin to lose track of her Dīn. Do remember that Allāh forgives one his/her sins to such an extent that such sins will be like they never were. Whenever a Servant of Allāh has turned to Him in repentance and there is no reason to believe that such a repentance is an act, it is obligatory upon believers to take the repentance sincerely and try hard to ward off the negative thoughts and turn for the Repenter a new page.

But if you feel that your mind will never be at ease with her and you will never see good in her even after your marriage, then it is better you withhold from the marriage and break off the ties without exposing her secrets and making her feel reprehensible as this may affect her determination, her focus and her trust in the Mercy of Allah…

In summary, seek advice from those that know her, without a divulgence of her secrets to them, what they know of her shyness, of her modesty, of her character. If they testify to knowing her on the side of Modesty, then my advice is that you try hard to accommodate her shortfall and ask Allāh to aid you in your determination.

And in the end, because marriage is aimed to be a lasting institution, take your time in making this decision and do not hurt her in this. Make your Istikhārah and depend on it for it has been said:

ما خاب من استخار ولا ندم من استشار

“He loses not who makes Istikhārah, regrets not who seeks advice.”

Please note that this statement is not a Hadīth and is falsely attributed to the Rasūl – salallāhu alayhi wasallam – as was mentioned by Al-Hāfidh in the Fat’h_ and Al-Albānī in Ad-Da’īfah__

May Allāh guide you to that which is best, āmīn

Bārakallāhu fīkum
Jazākumullāhu Khayran.

7th Sha’ban 1439AH

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