#623: Justice between Mothers and Wives

QUESTION

” I also have the question I ask about how are we going to balance Justice between our wives and our mothers Islamicaly.”

ANSWER

Alhamdulillāh

Allāh created us and apportioned for each and every one of us rights and responsibilities. Someone’s right is your responsibility and the other holds true.

Of the most important rights in this world, after the rights of Allāh and His Messenger is the right of parents, the first of whom is the mother.

For she has the right of respect, honour, obedience, kindness, mercy, tolerance, errand and spending.

Likewise, the wife in Islām has one of the greatest and most important rights.

She has the right of mercy, honour, respect, kindness, mercy, tolerance, intercourse, time and spending. But she has no right of obedience.

The rule in Islām is that it is not permissible to withhold a right and its withholding or shortening is oppression, the word for Dhulm

And this matter must be clearly understood.

An example will make it clearer.

Your brother who lives far must enjoy the rights of brotherliness from you.

But a brother who lives close must enjoy both the rights of brotherliness and the rights of neighbourhood.

Then, a Muslim neighbour who isn’t a brother to you must enjoy the rights of neighbourhood and the rights of Islām.

And then a Kafir neighbour who isn’t a brother of yours enjoys only the rights of neighbourhood.

There is no contradiction or complexity in this.

Another example is an elderly man who is student to a young Shaykh.

The Shaykh must respect him as an elderly who enjoys the rights of elders in Islām.

And the Elder must respect his Shaykh and give him the rights a Shaykh has over his Students.

There is no contradiction there.

Likewise, a mother and a wife.

You must accord the rights to both and not oppress any.

Then there are two possibilities.

One, that there is a situation where there in his giving to one, he must sacrifice giving to the other.

In this case, he has to look at the scenario very well.

Noteworthy, his wife has an unrestricted right of spending over him. But his mother has a restricted right of same.

The restriction, in the case of the mother is the condition: if she is needy of that spending

If then its a situation where the mother has and he has little that can’t go to both of them, he must service the right of his wife to spending.

If then, its a situation where the wife has income from somewhere else and there is no prior agreement to her income between them both, and the mother is in need, and the husband has so little that can only go for one, he must therefore service the rights of his mother and not that of the wife.

However, if both wife and mother have what is enough in terms of need and the husband has something extra to share, he must be wise in this regard. And the sharing or giving here must be in accordance with the situation and balance.

Bottom line is that he must do what will be in the interest of peace and justice, and that will not raise concerns and accusations.

And then, if both are in dire need, *in terms of necessities of life,* and in his giving to one the other will have to sacrifice, what is obligatory upon him is to give to his mother, not his wife.

Reason: the rights of the mother is given preponderance over the rights of the wife, when there is no possibility of doing both.

The evidence for this is the Hadīth recorded in the Sahihayn from Abū Hurayrah that a man asked the Rasūl – salallāhu alayhi wasallam :-

يا رسول الله، من أحق الناس بحسن صحابتي

“O Messenger of Allāh! Who of people is most deserving of my excellent companionship?”

The Rasūl – salallāhu alayhi wasallam – responded:

“Your mother”

He repeated the question twice and the Rasūl – salallāhu alayhi wasallam – repeated the same answer.

Its important to realise that of the most important aspects of excellent companionship and living is spending.

And Allāh knows best.

Two, that in his giving, he has enough to go round them both.

In this case, he is required to study the situation and give in its accordance.

Thereafter, it is important to note that it is Harām for a woman to seek to make her husband transgress the rights of his mother, as is prevalent these days.

Likewise, it is Harām for a man to oppress his wife in the name of attending to the needs of his mother, or to please his mother.

A man must be very clever in inter-family dealings and wise in his choices.

We ask Allāh for guidance and correctness in our ways.

Bārakallāhu fīkum
Jazākumullāhu Khayran.

📚IslamNode