7 Essential Steps to Build a Blessed Marriage Rooted in Shared Values

7 Essential Steps to Build a Blessed Marriage Rooted in Shared Values

And among His Signs is this, that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect. — Qur’an 30[Rum]:21

Allah created the universe with divine laws and commandments that ensure harmony and order in the existence of His creation. Among His signs is the creation of everything in pairs, establishing mutual attraction between males and females. It is Allah who has made marriage lawful as a sacred bond and has forbidden fornication and adultery, guiding us toward purity and honor.

In Islam, marriage is more than just a legal contract as some would think. It is a profound partnership designed to bring two souls together on a journey of mutual support, love, and spiritual growth. Marriage stands as a beautiful, intricate design, woven with threads of love, commitment, and shared values. It’s a journey of mutual connection, understanding, and spiritual growth.

When rooted in shared values, mutual respect, and love, a successful marriage offers an opportunity for spiritual and personal growth while drawing both spouses closer to Allah. Islam encourages believers to work together in their relationships, fostering an environment based on shared values and a collective commitment.

The Foundation of a Blessed Union

The foundation of every deed should start with sincere intentions — marriage is not an exception. Before stepping into marriage, ask yourself: Why am I getting married? When both partners align their intentions to seek the pleasure of Allah through their relationship, every interaction becomes an act of worship. Whether it’s showing kindness, forgiveness, or simply sharing a meal, these small moments accumulate into blessings when the intention is to please Allah.

When both husband and wife prioritize their relationship with Allah, they can foster a stronger bond, free from selfish desires. This shared goal of pleasing Allah transforms a marriage into a vehicle for spiritual growth. Allah’s Apostle ﷺ emphasized this to us:

“Actions are but by intentions, and every man shall have only that which he intended.” — Sahih Bukhari

After setting your intentions right, then both of you should have shared values because these will serve as the bedrock upon which a strong and enduring marriage will be built. They serve as your guiding compass, directing your actions and decisions toward a common goal. Imagine if both couples have a shared value of being Allah’s vicegerents, they will have no difficulty worshipping Allah together, raising righteous offspring, or striving for jannah as the ultimate goal.

What are the Benefits of Having a Marriage rooted in Shared Values?

When couples share similar values, they are more likely to experience harmony, growth, love, and meaningful intimacy. I share with you beautiful examples from the life of our beloved Messenger ﷺ

Harmony and Understanding: Sharing the same values helps partners understand each other better, making communication easier and conflict resolution smoother. When disagreements come up, you can turn to the Qur’an and Sunnah for guidance, using your faith as a strong foundation. Remember when Muhammad ﷺ consulted his wife, Umm Salamah, during the treaty of Hudaybiyah? She offered unwavering support and advice, reinforcing their bond, trust, and shared values.

Spiritual Growth: Sharing spiritual practices not only strengthens the bond between partners but also deepens their connection with Allah, following the beautiful example of the Messenger ﷺ. These shared moments of worship become powerful anchors, enriching the relationship with faith and love. It’s said that during the last ten days of Ramadan, Allah’s Apostle ﷺ will fasten his waist belt and wake up his wives every night to stand up and pray.

Meaningful Intimacy: When couples share similar values, their physical intimacy grows into a deeper emotional connection. This makes every moment together more meaningful, turning each encounter into a celebration of their journey as partners. The relationship between Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and his wife, Aisha, is a beautiful example. He ﷺ was once asked, who do you love the most among the people? He ﷺ wasn’t shy to say ‘Aisha’. Whenever she drank from a vessel, he would drink from the same spot without cleaning it.

Shared Purpose: A mutual sense of purpose can ignite a powerful drive in couples, motivating them to collaborate towards shared goals and dreams. When partners align their aspirations, they create a dynamic force that propels them forward. For example, consider the inspiring partnership of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ and his wife Khadijah. Together, they built not just a loving home, but also a thriving business as well.

Peace and Love: Shared values create a powerful foundation of trust, reassuring you that your partner is always there to support you. This mutual understanding not only fosters peace of mind but also deepens your connection, intensifying the love you have for one another. Imagine when the Prophet ﷺ first received revelation, it was his wife Khadijah who stood by his side, offering support and encouragement during a time of uncertainty. Her steadfast faith and loyalty not only strengthened their bond but also laid the groundwork for their profound love, illustrating how shared values can enrich a relationship.

Cultivating Shared Values

Building a blessed matrimony based on shared values requires conscious effort and dedication. In a time where distractions are endless, focusing on the shared values that bring lasting blessings into a union can be transformative. Here are seven essential steps to building a marriage that is truly blessed and enriched by Islamic values:

Anchor Your Lives strictly in Islamic Values: Marriage thrives on harmony when couples embrace shared Islamic values. These principles guide their decisions, establish boundaries, and provide clarity during tough times. By anchoring their relationship in divine guidance, they create a lasting bond that rises above temporary emotions. Some of the core values in Islamic marriages include the mindfulness of Allah, trust, gratitude, respect, and kindness.

Communicate with Compassion: The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) showed us the power of gentle and effective communication with his wives. Couples should aim to speak with kindness, steering clear of harsh words or criticism that can create conflict. Remember, healthy communication isn’t about winning arguments; it’s about resolving issues in a way that respects both partners’ dignity and emotional well-being.

“And speak to people kindly…” — Qur’an 2[Al-Baqarah]:83

3. Strengthen Your Relationship Through Worship: Praying together as a couple strengthens your bond beyond the material world, inviting Allah’s mercy into your marriage. Salah, du’a, and reading the Qur’an together elevate your relationship, preparing you for the hereafter. Unfortunately, many couples overlook the goal of being husband and wife in Jannah. Let’s encourage each other to grow in faith by learning about Islam together and supporting each other through adequate reminders. Remember, this is a path that Allah’s Messenger ﷺ encouraged us to follow:

Narrated Abu Hurairah: “The Messenger of Allah ﷺ said: ‘May Allah have mercy on a man who gets up at night and prays, then he wakes his wife, and she prays, and if she refuses he sprinkles water in her face. And may Allah have mercy on a woman who gets up at night and prays, then she wakes her husband and prays, and if he refuses, she sprinkles water in his face.’” — Sunan An-Nasa’i

4. Practice Forgiveness and Avoid Holding Grudges: Every marriage faces mistakes and misunderstandings, but a blessed one thrives on mutual forgiveness. Holding onto grudges can poison a relationship while being quick to forgive creates a safe space for both partners to be vulnerable. However, forgiveness should be balanced; it’s essential to ensure that one partner doesn’t take advantage of the other’s merciful nature. Healthy relationships require respect alongside forgiveness. The Qur’an reminds us:

Pardon them and overlook — Allah loves those who do good — Qur’an 5[Al-Maidah]:13

5. Create Shared Goals and Values for the Future: A blessed marriage thrives on a shared vision for the future. When couples set spiritual and personal goals together — like increasing charity, raising righteous children, planning for Hajj, and building a home centered around faith— they create a sense of purpose and teamwork. These common goals provide direction, ensuring that both partners stay accountable to each other and grow together rather than drifting apart. Allah emphasizes the responsibility of family life in the Qur’an:

O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones.— Qur’an 66[At-Tahrim]:6

6. Consider Your Marriage as a Trust: Marriage is a sacred trust where partners are responsible for each other’s well-being and happiness. This bond requires ongoing commitment and understanding. By nurturing this mindset, spouses can create a loving and supportive union. Remember the words of Prophet Muhammad ﷺ:

The best of you are the best to your wives, and I am the best of you to my wives. — Sunan al-Tirmidhi

7. Practice Patience and Perseverance: Every marriage encounters challenges, and Islam emphasizes the importance of patience — Sabr — in overcoming them. Whether facing financial struggles, misunderstandings, or personal trials, patience enables couples to respond wisely instead of reacting in anger. Practicing Sabr fosters resilience, prevents conflicts from escalating, and cultivates a harmonious environment, honoring Allah’s blessings.

Conclusion

Creating a blessed marriage is a lifelong journey that thrives on dedication, faith, and shared Islamic values. When both partners focus on pleasing Allah, communicate with kindness, and support each other in worship, they turn their marriage into a source of true joy. By grounding their relationship in faith and nurturing it with love, patience, and gratitude, couples can savor the beauty of this life while looking forward to an eternal union in the hereafter, insha’Allah. Building a strong marriage takes time and effort, but you can forge a lasting bond filled with happiness commitment, and understanding. May Allah bless your marriage and protect you from its challenges. Amin!