#484: Advice to Muslim Sister having troubles with Nikāh

QUESTION

” Please i need a very strong advice, my friend have a suitor but he is nupe,he is ready to marry her but her father said till she finish her sch nd d girl is presently 23yrs old,if she said she will wait untill she finish her sch she will be 25 by then,also she is not sure whether her suitor will be patient till when she finish her sch,her mother is happy for her daughter to marry nd some of her uncles from her fathers side but if they asked him,he will be saying how can his daughter marry a nupe man(tribalism),he will also said he is just a corper he has no job,mean while the father never asked his daughter what is his job,what will she do?can she go against her father since her mother is happy with the man nd some of her uncles?…He only follow the ideology of his wife,because d girls mother is not with her(divorce),she is in confusion pls can u help my sister with what she will do,if she try confronting her father he will be saying is her mother that is pushing her to marry,pls someone should help her with an advice”

ANSWER

Alhamdulillāh.

We ask Allāh for guidance and to help the sister out of her situation and dilemma, Āmīn.

Firstly, it is an established fact to the Ulamā that it is not permissible for a father to oppressively prevent his daughter from marriage. This is a form of _Adl An-Nisā_ which is to coerce and restrict her from marriage even though her desires may have been propped. This is an oppression and an unjust act.

The Ulamā mention that this act, if it comes from the Wali of hers, and is excessive and aggressive, it takes off the right of Wilāyah from the father or the Wali of hers responsible for the act, as such the Wilāyah moves to the next Wali who has the rights to stand as her Wali, if there is no Wali of hers that can make the decision of standing for her and helping her get married, then she should revert the matter to an Islamic Judge, this is her right.

However, we need to understand some things here.

First, that she be patient with the choices of her father is better, as long as she does not fear for herself Zinā, this is because of the many Mafāsid that may result from her taking a step against her father’s advice such as her getting isolated from him entirely and other family members.

The relationship with her father shouldn’t be sacrificed for the suitor she loves, this is because she can get another brother (suitor) and cannot get another father.

We can also deduce that the brother is bent on getting married without a readiness to put her situation as his prime and there is nothing that shows that she won’t be able to get someone else asides him.

Often times than not, the love our parents have for us and the extent they can go in protecting our interests go beyond what we think and they may get some things, many things wrong, they still have this unique attribute that we must respect and protect.

Of the reasons for which Allāh made the father and other Awliyā the key-keepers of a woman’s marriage is to help her see things she may be blinded from seeing and to stand for her against oppression and injustice.

There may be some things she is not seeing in this situation as she may be blinded by love and emotions.

Also note that a mother and her brothers are not considered of the Awliyā of marriage, no mater how close to her they are. This is because there is no blood flow between them by virtue of her mother that lies in between them.

That stated, if her mother is pleased with it, she isn’t a Walī notwithstanding.

Therefore, while she has the right in the Sharī’a to seek for a redress on this matter from her father’s father, her father’s brothers and her grown-up brothers, and lastly a Qādī, our advice for her is to not take the matter up on that basis but to be patient with what her father has decided.

That is if she doesn’t fear that she will commit Zinā by abstinence from the marriage with the Nupe Brother, she should be patient, strive to convince her father if the brother will be patient to wait for her and if the brother will not be that patient, she should trust in Allāh and seek in wait for another suitor.

Allah will surely give her one without delay.

We ask Allāh to be with her and to guide her toward what is best, āmīn.

We will welcome further questions and cousel-seeking on this matter.

Bārakallāhu fīkum
Jazākumullāhu Khayran.

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