#581: Ruling on a Wife turning down Her Husband`s request for Sexual Activity out of Exhaustion
QUESTION
” Question…. Assalaam alaykum. May Allah increase you in Eeman. If I become tired or not in the mood when my husband needs me…but he understands and let me be without getting angry….will there be a sin written for me?”
ANSWER
Wa alaykum Salām Warahmatullāh Wabarakātuh.
Āmīn to your du’ā and we ask Allāh to grant us and you strength in our Īmān, āmīn.
Know, may Allāh illumine your heart, that it is Harām for a woman to turn away from her husband whenever he needs her for sexual activity.
This crime is so heinous that the Fuqahā have referred to it as a Kabīrah (Great) among the Kabā’ir Sins, and a form of rebellion (Nushūz). Adh-Dhahabī, Ar-Rāfi’ī, Al-Haytamī, Ibn Ar-Raf’a, An-Nawawī, Ibn Taymiyyah and others mentioned this.
Ibn Taymiyyah said:
“It is obligatory upon her to obey him whenever he invites her to the bed. And that is an obligatory injunction upon her.”
Why not? When the Rasūl – salallāhu alayhi wasallam – had said in the Hadīth recorded by Imam Al-Bukhārī from Abū Hurayrah radiyallāhu anhu:
إذا باتت المرأة مهاجرة فراش زوجها، لعنتها الملائكة حتى ترجع
Whenever a woman turns away from the bed of her husband, the Angels curse her until she returns to it.”
And in the Hadīth recorded by An-Nasa’ī from Talq Ibn ‘Alī:
وإن كانت على التنور
“Even if she was busy by the stove”
Al-Mubārakfūrī mentioned the implication of this situation. It means that even if she was in the middle of something highly important and needs her attention.
This is a matter about which there is no difference of opinion among the Ulamā.
And the reason for this is clear and numerous. Whenever a man is repeatedly deprived of this by his wife and he feels disappointed, he begins to think of alternative outlets to this need which may result to problems for the woman herself, the family and the entire society.
Most of the ‘Ulamā have not stopped there, they also mentioned that whenever she observes that he yearns for it even if he never mentioned it, she is expected to make herself available for him.
She must not answer his call for intercourse whenever she is menstruating or bleeding due to child birth.
As for tiredness and ‘not being in the mood’, there is no such thing accepted in the Sharī’a unless if the husband is not in need of sexual activity at that time. A woman must make herself available as long as intercourse does not harm her. The harm referred implies illness or injuries. This was mentioned by Al-Bahūtī in Kashshāfu Al-Qinā’ in which he also quoted An-Nawawī rahimahullāh.
And Allāh knows best.
Bārakallāhu fīkum
Jazākumullāhu Khayran
2nd Ramadān 1439AH
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