#857: Ruling on being patient with a wife who disobeys Allah and His Messenger
857. QUESTION:
“Questions: As we know that without patient we can never be with our wife.understood what if the wife insist doing what Allah and his prophet forbid and you try to change such a wife and she refuses. And our faire is Allah can ask us about them can keeping quite be termed as patient also? Or how are we going to do?”
ANSWER:
Alhamdulillāh!
First: That ‘Without patience, we can never live with our wives’ is a very lopsided understanding of marriage that many people in our communities promote without recourse to reality and the Teachings of the Dīn. They make this statement and make it sound like men are the only ones that are patient in marriages. Whereas, women that suffer from the evil actions of their husbands are very much more than men that suffer from the wrong deeds of their wives. Isn’t it apparent that a man with all his incompetencies, errors, dirty habits and uncultured characters will still be predominant in the home and his wife must submit to him, tolerate him and be patient with him? Isn’t that more of a tolerance than what the man does of accommodating his wife’s errors without submitting to her whims? For certain, tolerating someone’s bad habits and seeking to correct them, speaking out against it and not having to be subject to it, is lighter and easier than tolerating his bad habits and subjecting to those bad habits. Can’t you see that your wives don’t only get irritated by whatever bad Habits you possess, they also have to obey and be subject to you and your bad habits at the same time under your roof.
So, what is right is to say that marriage demands patience from both husband and wife. This is what we know.
Second. Keeping quiet over the limits of Allāh been transgressed has never been seen as Patience by any body possessed of knowledge throughout our history. The word Patience in the Qur’ān and the Sunnah has been used to refer to one of three things:
One, been resolute in the obedience of Allāh even though the conditions are not favourably convenient for you. It is to keep forcing your heart, your limbs and yourself to obey Allāh, to worship and to implement His Commands. This is referred to as As-Sabru Fī Imtithāli Awāmirillāh.
Two, been patient by withholding yourself and your limbs from doing that which Allāh has forbidden. This calls for Patience too. It is to force yourself to not transgress Allāh’s limits and is referred to as As-Sabru Fi Ijtinābi Nawāhīllah
Three, to be patient with the trials and Qadar of Allāh and to accept them and remain steadfast on the Dīn despite them. It is referred to as As-Sabru Bi Aqdārillāh
Nobody ever referred to been complacent in the face of a transgression against the limit of Allāh as Patience. Rather this is a sin in itself if taken lightly. Can’t you see that Allāh and His Messenger commanded us to erradicate evil wherever we find it?
What then about an evil that happens under the roofs we own and are it’s leaders. It is not permissible for any Muslim Man who believes in Allāh and the Last Day to see his wife transgressing the limits of Allāh and committing sins and to keep quiet in the name of tolerating her or been patient. One of the reasons of Marriage in the first place is to help each other to keep the limits of Allāh. This is known.
So, it is obligatory that the husband keeps correcting her as much as he can. And depending on the gravity of what the sin is, depending on the immensity of it’s possible repercussions, and the implication of her disobeying him, the man can decide to keep or divorce her.
We ask Allāh to bless our wives, our homes, and to be merciful to us and make us of His Elect Servants amīn.
Bārakallāhu Fīkum
Jazakumullāhu Khayran
Abū ‘Āsim
28th Safar, 1441AH.
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