Advice to the Muslim Sister Regarding Marriage

Abū ‘Āsim, An-Nidā Publications

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

إن الحمد لله، نحمده ونستعينه ونستغفره؛ ونعوذ بالله من شرور أنفسنا ومن سيئات أعمالنا، من يهدى الله فلا مضل له، ومن يضلل فلن تجد له وليا مرشدا

والصلاة والسلام على رسول الله وعلى آله وأصحابه وسلّم

Know O Sister, that the essence of Marriage in the light of the Shari’ah is the first significant thing in regards to this matter. People get married for different reasons – many different reasons – but the Believing Muslim Woman gets married for noble aims and objectives; since the Shari’ah has come to elevate amn and lift him from above the lowliness of animalism.

Regarding to this, let it be realized that among all of these reasons only few of them are considerate.

Firstly, it is to contribute to the Muslim Ummah and generate apious Muslim generation since a family is not established but by Marriage. Some of the people of Wisdom have stated that a family which cannot be modelled after the pious Home of Ibrahim – عليه السلام – does not deserve to be invested in. In that light, from what is clear is that a man alone cannot establish such, neither can a woman alone.

Secondly, it is true that there are certain things of loneliness that a human being cannot cure with the company of a same-sex. In that light, a man mends his loneliness by the solace he gets from the woman and the woman fills in that gap by her wedding to the man. And know that this issue – the issue of curing such loneliness – is something which only very few people pay attention to and understand. For Allah has not created us to remain alone, and He – تعالى – followed that up by implanting in us the urges which are meant to instigate the necessary reflexes to get that fulfilled.

And every other reasons spring out of both these reasons, for the sticking to the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah – تعالى  – necessitate that one should fulfill these two objectives. But the pillar of all these, the source of it all and the prime of it is that both couples are supposed to help each other towards the realization of the essence of creation. The FUQAHA have formed our consensus that the essence is nothing short of TAWHID: the unifying of Ibadah, and the offering of IBADAH to Allah Alone. And the TRUE meaning of IBADAH is unrestricted obedience as has been explained several times, but this is not the place to prove it for that is beyond the scope of this article. Let him refer to other writings he who wants to have a firm grasp of the concept of TAWHID. But understanding TAWHID is an obligation on every Muslim – do not forget that. Nonetheless, what concerns us here is to establish that if a couple cannot assist each other in ascending up the ladder of Piety observing strictly the TAWHID of Allah as He – تعالى – pleases, then their marriage does not make sense after all since its fruits are limited to the satisfaction of the sexual appetites and issues which are closer to the dunya than the akhirah.

Strive to grasp what has preceded O Sister for it is very important.

You should realize also that a woman ‘s interest is more at stake in the affairs relating to marriage than a man’s. it is true that the life of a woman ends the day she gets married for the fact that from then henceforth all of her efforts are services and investments into his own life. Thus her washing of plates, rectification of the affairs of the home and things of that nature are a saving of his own time and the taking care of his affairs. In the same light, he obeys and respects his orders and responds to everything he demands of her. For a reason such as this, a Muslim woman must not make a mistake in who she ends up with as husband.

Let it be known that men are of various kinds. There are some who are Religious in the outlook but something else in manners and deeds. Others are very regardless of the affairs of the Din both apparently and inapparently; and yet some have non Islamic appearance but are excellent in the interior: in manners, character, piety and discipline. These three are all bad men but the best of them is the third. So, realize that and don’t be carried away by mere good dressings.

Grasp the fact that people most times are a reflection of what their families look like, unless for some rare cases. For that reason, get an idea of the family you are about to accept a man from before accepting him.

Understand that education is very important and cultured people are a product of the right recipe of educational mentoring. If that is true, be unwavering in your intention to have someone cultured. But don’t be fooled, realize that the essence of knowledge is to practice it, and if someone is learned but not cultured, he is worse than the carcass of a dead camel. His education must translate into refined character, manners, morals and mental balance. Beware that the education referred to here is ISLAMIC and not the concocted theories of the “Modern Educations”, in most times they gave birth to nothing but pride and self-conceit.

Some women consider things such as wealth, height and the level of the handsome face a man has. They are all relative and depend on person to person. But understand that none of all of these are worth being made into screening qualities. It is true that they make point and add to taste, but let that not be a priorty for they are all things that wither away in time.

My Sister! If you understand the situation in which the Muslim Ummah is in today, you’ll realize that the change the Ummah needs if the revitalization of the Message of TAWHID and the one who helps is the who is ready to spill his blood in JIHAD against the enemies of Allah who have submitted the Muslims to Human Laws and who have turned the Muslims into slaves. The reinvigoration of the Message of TAWHID requires from us all our time and efforts, as did the earlier generations who gave all they had for the Mission of the Messenger of Allah ﷺ – thus, you should not waste your time imagining marriage with someone who doesn’t share in such dream and bear similar ambitions in PRACTICE and not THEORY for there are several people out there who would pretend to be one of such people but who in reality are not. If you have grasped what has preceded that the woman’s life ends after her marriage, then you will understand that the ONLY person who deserves you to invest your life – all of your life – in his own life is the one who is practically struggling to return the Ummah to the Law of Allah and who is practically ready to invest all of his efforts in that dimension.

But all of what has preceded is a proof that you as a Muslim Sister cannot suffice with what is apparent and what is seen by your eyes. For this reason, the SHARI’ (The Law-Giver: ALLAH) made the responsibility of handling the choice of the husband to the Woman BUT with the findings of the WALI of the woman. If you have agreed also that these are the things that must be considered, then you’d have agreed also that you need a Trustworthy man to investigate and certify a suitor for you. It is this responsibility that Allah first placed upon the Guardians (AWLIYA) of the girl before any person else. But in these days of ours such guardians are against these goals themselves and therefore work against the true interests of the girl than for her true interests. If that is the case, then recline upon someone whom you trust, say your Malam or your Mentor who believes in what you believe and who is first in the ranks of those who are working to revive the Din.

O Sister! Struggle to have a firm grasp of what have been mentioned in this short writing for if you read between its lines and ponder over its meanings, you’ll grasp more than twice its lines.

And all of these suffices for the one who Allah has guided and whose heart is illumined with the luminance of TAQWA!

وآخر دعوانا أن الحمد لله رب العالمين

20TH OCT. 2011/23RD DHU AL-QA’DAH 1432


Islamnode is a platform for the dissemination of sound Knowledge of Islam and an orientation of Muslims of the Sciences of the Din in accordance with the Pristine Knowledge taught by the Rasul – Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam – to the Companions – Ridwanullah ‘Alayhim – and understood by them, their Students and those who followed them of the earliest generations. We follow the Sunnah of the Rasul – Salallahu Alayhi Wasallam – and promote the Works of the Ulama of Sunnah from the first generation to date. Our goal is to propagate the Sciences of Islam, to disseminate the sound understanding of the Salaf and to enable the sound education of Muslims in this era.

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