Jumah Nugget: How Prophet Muhammad Taught Emotional Intelligence and Touched the Lives of Many

بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

How Prophet Muhammad Taught Emotional Intelligence and Touched the Lives of Many

There has certainly come to you a Messenger from among yourselves. Grievous to him is what you suffer; he is concerned over you and to the believers he is kind and merciful. — Qur’an 9[At-Taubah]:128

Emotional Intelligence has become a buzzword in recent times. Little did people know that the prophet Muhammad ﷺ was extremely emotionally intelligent to the point that he even made ‘dad jokes’. This was an exclusive trait that earned him the love and attention of the community. He knew how to make people smile and how to keep them seriously on their feet. In this piece, we’d examine Emotional Intelligence from the lens of our beloved Messenger. ﷺ

One time, a man came to him requesting a camel and he said to him I’d give you the baby of a she-camel. The man looked astonishingly and asked, what will I do with that? Then he said: isn’t every camel born of a she camel? Then the man and the people around smiled. In another instance, an old woman came asking for him to make Dua’ that she should be in Jannah. He said surprisingly: “Old people don’t go Jannah”. The woman was disturbed by this short response. Then he continued his speech by saying: “Everyone will enter paradise as youths”. On hearing this, the old lady smiled and got excited.

In simple terms, Emotional Intelligence is the ability to manage both your emotions and understand the emotions of people around you. Research has shown that the foundations for emotional capacities like emotional management, emotional flexibility, and emotional understanding are laid in early childhood. An emotionally unintelligent adult is most likely a victim of emotionally unintelligent parenting methods. This is why this subject is very important and needs to be paid appropriate attention.

Components of Emotional Intelligence

There are five key elements of Emotional Intelligence that are listed below. However, this piece will focus on one which is most essential for interpersonal relationship development. A healthy family relationship requires a perspective of emotional understanding and social investment. Human interaction is complex and our role in how we make people feel may go a long way in shaping their character as well. Not understanding and implementing these elements is one of the causes that lead to the breakdown of relationships as we see in today’s societies.

Here are the five key elements:

Self Awareness

Self Regulation

Motivation

Social Skill

Empathy

We shall focus mainly on Empathy as a key element of Emotional Intelligence which the Prophet used in touching the hearts of many.

So, Why Empathy?

Many of us really don’t know what empathy means in its true sense. And this is why we practice it less than it should be. It sounds like sympathy but there’s a distinction between both.

Sympathy is trying to understand where a person is coming from but not helping them to get where they’re going. For instance, you see someone in the rain while you drive past in your car and unfortunately splash water on them. All you say to yourself is: ‘Poor guy, I didn’t mean to do that’ — and then, you drive away.

Empathy on the other hand is to acknowledge and feel someone else’s pain while striving with them to help mitigate it. Using the same example of a rainy day, a person of empathy will either stop and help them to a safe space or provide an umbrella to protect them from the rain.

In today’s world, many of us pay less attention to our personal emotional awareness albeit applying emotional intelligence while dealing with others. Empathy at its foundation includes curiosity and it’s the bane of successful leadership. This was why the prophet peace be upon him was extremely successful on his mission. He showed us numerous instances of empathy and won the hearts of many. Allah says:

Indeed, in the Messenger of Allah you have an excellent example for whoever has hope in Allah and the Last Day, and remembers Allah often— Qur’an 33[Al-Ahzab]:21

How He Dealt with People

Let’s examine some instances from the Seerah of the best of mankind. We shall examine brief stories on his relationship with his wives, children, companions, enemies, and other creatures of Allah.

With his wife: Many relationships crumble today owing to a lack of empathy and emotional understanding between couples. Let’s examine this instance as reported by our mother Aisha may Allah be pleased with her. She had set out with the Prophet solely with the intention of performing Hajj. Then her menses came and she started weeping. The prophet enquired what was wrong with her and she affirmed what she saw. Then he said: ‘This is a thing which Allah has ordained for the daughters of Adam. So do what all the pilgrims do with the exception of the Taw-af’. Imagine how beautifully he simplified the situation for her. Allah’s Apostle paid attention to his wives’ emotions to the point that he knew when they were happy with him and when they were sad. This is a very good lesson for married men!

With other creatures: Once upon a time, the Prophet was on a journey and he came upon a garden where he found a sobered camel that was weeping profusely. He wiped the temple on its head until she became quiet. Then he asked about the owner of the camel. An Ansari man stepped forward to claim it. Then, the Prophet peace be upon him said: “Don’t you fear Allah about this beast which Allah has given in your possession? It has complained to me that you keep it hungry and load it heavily which fatigues it”. This only confirms the word of Allah about him being a mercy to the world.

We have sent you ˹O Prophet˺ only as a mercy for the whole world. — Qur’an 21[Al-Anbiya]:107

3. With his companions: There are so many instances of how the Prophet displayed emotional intelligence and showed empathy with his companions. If someone asked for his help, he would always be available to give aid. He did not distinguish between the noble and the downtrodden. And he treated everyone equally, giving people their rights and not allowing them to be oppressed. Space will not let us examine many of these beautiful gems but let’s reflect on this encounter with Ibn Mas’ud.

Narrated by Ali ibn Abi Talib: “One day Abdullah Ibn Mas’ud climbed a tree and his legs became visible. His legs were very skinny, so some companions started laughing. The Prophet asked: “What are you laughing at?” We said: “We laugh at his skinny legs, O Messenger of Allah”. The Prophet said: “By the One in Whose Hand is my soul! His legs will be heavier on the Meezaan (scale on the Day of Judgment) than Mount Uhud.” —Al-Musnad Imam Ahmad

4. With children: He was extremely loving and caring with kids. Many of the younger companions loved to hang around him because he was always giving positive vibes. Many narrations related to children came from Anas ibn Malik who served the prophet peace be upon him. He once narrated an ordeal which he had with the Messenger of Allah.

The Prophet sent him on an errand, but on the way, he saw some of the kids playing. As a child, he could not resist his desire to join them. So, he forgot his errand and was fully engaged in the funfair. The prophet came from behind and grabbed him by the shoulder. On turning back, he saw the Prophet beaming with a smile. He told him endearingly, “Unays! Wouldn’t you go to where I sent you?” Imagine if it was you in this instance, wouldn’t you lose your patience?

5. With his enemy: The story of his persecution by his tribesmen at the early stage of his call in Mecca isn’t strange. It was worse to the point that he had to flee Mecca through the southern border in anxiety. A few years later, Allah ordained his comeback to Mecca in a flawless victory without shedding blood. This is one of the greatest events in the history of the Prophet’s biography and is well known as “Fathu-Makkah”.

One would expect that after being victorious against his enemies, he would show strength through retaliation. However, the Prophet Muhammad comforted the people of Mecca on that grand day saying:

“Whoever enters The Holy Mosque will be safe, whoever enters the house of Abu Sufyan will be safe and whoever closes his door will be safe.”

What’s in it for you?

The essence of this piece is to direct you towards developing emotional intelligence as exemplified in the life of our beloved Messenger. When you do, be sure to reap enormous benefits in various aspects of life:

Improved Relationships: The more you improve your emotional intelligence, the better you get at building positive relationships.

Better Communication: People with high emotional quotient communicate more effectively, listen effectively, resolve conflicts constructively, and are generally more beloved.

Enhanced Leadership: Effective leaders often possess high emotional intelligence as seen in the life of Prophet Muhammad. This will help you inspire and motivate your team members, and create a positive work environment.

Mental Wellness: Emotional intelligence is associated with better mental well-being. People who master this habit tend to experience less stress and depression. You’d cope better with life’s challenges!

Personal Growth: Developing emotional intelligence is a lifelong journey that can lead to greater self-awareness, development, and personal growth. It can help you become more resilient, and emotionally balanced while improving your overall well-being.

PS: Success comes only by the will of Allah! If you find this piece beneficial, it’s by Allah’s Grace. It’s no scholarly work and we accept our mistakes. Suggestions are welcomed in making this effort better as well.

Yaoumul Jum’ah 29th Safar 1445H // Friday 15th September 2023.