#1062: Advice For The One Whose Mother Prevents From Visiting The Children Of His Divorced Wife
Salamualikum admin,pls I have a question.i have a divorce wife which we have separated for 5 years plus,we have 3 kids and I have been checking on the kids ever since cause she has refuse to allow the kid come to wherei stayed.i didn’t see the kids for over a year now and when I wanted to go visit them as usual my mother said I can’t visit for reasons best know to her,I have been pleading with her for over 2 months now and she still didn’t grant my request. I want your advice as guided by Islam. Thank you in anticipation.
ANSWER:
Wa Alaykum Salam Warahmatullah Wabarakaatuh.
Alhamdulillah.
We ask Allah to bless you, to bless your kids, to bless your family and to make you all icons of the Din, trailblazers on the Path, Lamposts for the travellers to Allah, amin.
As for the situation you have mentioned is concerned, in the first place, the Ulama have an agreement that the wife has the right of custody of the children in the case of divorce. What they differed upon is the year at which the right to custody expires.
But what is strongest and more cooling to the eyes is that her right to custody expires once the children have reached the age of discernment. That is the age where they know and understand that which they want and can choose.
The practice of the Rasul salallahu alayhi wasallam as it has come sound in a Hadith recorded by Imam At-Tirmidhi is to give the child the choice to choose where he prefers to be. If the child chooses to be with the mother, then he does but if he chooses the father then he goes to the father.
All of this however, is through the age of the period where the child needs parental guidance and provided the custody of the one who is given custody of the child is not harmful to the Interest of the Din and Dunya of the Child.
If the child’s interests are proven to be in danger while in the custody of the mother for instance, she loses the right of custody and the father has the right to seek redress in a competent court of the Shar’iah.
Then, it is also agreed upon that she loses custody of the child once she remarries if she does. This is because the interests of the child is threatened and may conflict the interest of the new husband.
You have not asked about the ruling of custody of the child in your question but we aimed at hinting at that only, and we did.
Second, the Ulama have an agreement that it is not permissible to hinder one of the parents access to the child when the parents are separated. This visitation can be by virtue of the children coming, if that is safe from fitnah for all the parties, by way of the parent going, if that is safe from fitnah for all the parties, or by way of meeting at an appointed place. What is most important is that there is safety from the fitnah that affects the interests of the Din or Dunya of all the parties involved.
In a case where a woman feels there is problem in the visitation of the children to the place of the father, there is no blame of her, once proven beyond doubt, to prevent them from visiting their father for that purpose, and Allah knows best.
Third, what we recommend for you in this case is to seek to understand the wisdom behind your mother’s persistence on not visiting. If the reason is genuine, free of superstition, safe and sound, buttressed by facts rooted in the Precepts of the Din, there is wisdom in following her advice. And if however there is nothing rooted in the Shariah in her persisternce, to disobey her in this scenerio is to obey Allah and that is what is required of you.
For the fact that leaving your children for years without visit tramples upon the rights of those children, an answer to which question you will not be able to handle on the Day of Qiyaamah
We ask Allah for steadfastness and Tawfiq.
Barakallahu fikum.
📚 IslāmNode
